Is anybody there?

Is anybody there?  I don't know if I'm asking that question to the outside world or to my internal world.  I've entered one of my 'vacant' phases; where I'm watching everything from behind a glass wall. 

Reaching out to others feels unreal as though it's something I used to do but don't do anymore.

I dreamed last night of 'losing time'. It's not something that happens much with me but in the dream I lost about 15 minutes of time and couldn't recall what I had done. It had consequences that affected a lot of people and I had to put up with their judgement of my behaviour and I could find no way of defending myself that made sense.

Maybe it's significant. Right now I am fighting to keep control, to hold on to my  co-consciousness but I feel stretched and ready to snap. What's happening at one end of my personality is not the same as what is happening on the surface.

I don't know if I'm making sense or not. Feel like I am babbling - but maybe that's better than being silence.

To update on the last post: I didn't get an interview for the job which was really disappointing. I think I've got over it quite well though (helped greatly by a week off work!) and feel pleased that I asserted myself.  Criticism is still so difficult for me to cope with but maybe there are little, small changes on that front.

Anyway that's it for now. Just relieved I've managed to speak!!